Riza's Mistake
by MoonStarDutchess
Summary: Riza makes the mistake of trying to teach a certain bookworm how to shoot a gun. Royai


**Riza's Mistake**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Oneshot Request from Queen Rini **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or its characters and I gain no profit for this fiction. **

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**Riza's Mistake**

Riza Mustang thought it was just going to be an average day at headquarters. As usual, she arrived exactly on time, no earlier thanks to her husband who couldn't be early for anything. Then she parted ways with Roy, who had meetings all day, and made her way to her office. She got her work, made sure her subordinates did theirs, and they were done with the morning batch of paperwork fifteen minutes before lunch. They took the extra time for lunch and she thought that she would have the usual calm walk with Havoc back to the office. She was wrong about the walk back.

Usually she and Havoc would chat about things on the way back, sometimes Roy with them. However, today she had a brown haired, book obsessed young woman following her and beseeching her to teach her something that she really didn't need to know.

"Pleasssssssse!" Scieszka asked, drawing out the S's in the please with a long whiny hiss.

"No," Riza stated flatly, quite annoyed that her routine was being disrupted.

"Do you have a death wish or something Scieszka?" Havoc asked, the cigarette in his mouth making no move to fall from his lips.

Riza stopped and glared at him. "Just want in the hell do you mean by that?"

"Well, I was recalling when you tried to teach Fuehrer Mustang to shoot better. I mean, you almost killed the man."

"I didn't almost kill him! It was just a mere tap!" she protested.

Havoc stopped walking and looked at Riza disbelievingly. "Are you out of your mind? A mere tap? You knocked him into a brick wall! That is not a mere tap!"

Riza and Scieszka turned to face him.

"It didn't hurt nearly as bad as it looked. Want to know how it feels?" she questioned, her eyes narrowing and her voice taking on a menacing tone when she spoke her second sentence.

Havoc took a step away from her. "Damn, I'd hate to see how you treat him at home!" Riza started to open her mouth to speak when someone else spoke instead.

"I actually like her rough treatment Havoc. It makes things interesting." They turned to see Mustang walking toward them. Riza took in his appearance and frowned. The day was only halfway over and he already looked horribly tired. His face was paler than usual, he had dark circles under his eyes, and he was walking at a much slower pace than normal.

He made his way to her and kissed her on the lips lightly. She started to scold him for doing that at work but before she could say anything, he kissed her again, letting his lips linger for a bit longer. After he pulled away, he ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "I needed that."

Riza smiled softly and turned toward him. She lifted her hands to the collar of his white dress shirt and straightened it.

Scieszka and Havoc smiled at the couple. It was lovely to see the softer side of them that they had to hold back for so long. They both knew that Roy and Riza never took the small things in their relationship for granted and were probably the happiest couple they knew.

Roy leaned in and kissed her again. "Well, back to meetings."

"Have you had any lunch?"

"Not yet, I will after this meeting."

"I'll order you something and have it in your office," she said.

Roy kissed her yet again, this time the kiss lingering much longer than the others. "Thank you love," he said and walked away. Riza made a mental note to do "something" to relax him when he got home.

"That was so cute!" Scieszka exclaimed, "I love watching people in love."

Riza smiled and began walking, Havoc and Scieszka falling in pace beside her. They stayed silent for a while and Riza had hoped that Scieszka had decided to drop the shooting topic. She wasn't that lucky.

"You know what else I would love? I would love to learn to shoot," Scieszka said, bringing the topic back to conversation. "I've read so many books on it and it looks so amazing. Please teach me! Besides I am in the military and should learn!"

"Reading and doing are two different things," Riza said as she looked at Scieszka from the corner of her eyes. "Besides, you are a state librarian. I doubt you will have a life threatening situation in your line of work."

"Yeah, you can't get killed reading books," Havoc replied.

"Oh, I beg to differ," Scieszka argued in a knowing tone and with a nod of her head in affirmation that she experienced it.

"She's right. When Ed and the others went to her house she was covered with books and it took a few hours for them to find her. Ross said it looked like Central's library collapsed around her," Riza said.

Havoc's mind suddenly went haywire as he thought about his circumstances. Here he was walking down the hall with his gun toting commanding officer, that could probably kill with a single glare, and a book-obsessed klutz who wanted to learn how to use a firearm. He didn't know if he should be afraid or sickly amused at what was currently occurring.

"Please Lieutenant Colonel Mustang?" she begged. "You taught Winry!"

"I taught Winry because she lives alone now in practically the middle of nowhere since Pinako passed away," Riza said.

"I live alone too!" Scieszka replied.

"That's not the reason that you want to learn and you know it. Besides, you aren't the right type to learn how to shoot."

"What do you mean I'm not the type?" she questioned, confused. She didn't know that there was a type of person that learned how to fire a gun.

"She means you're too clumsy," Havoc replied, bluntly.

"Captain!" Riza scolded.

"Well, it is what you meant," he replied.

Scieszka looked at her and frowned, tears coming to her eyes. She looked so much like Fuery when he was upset that Riza vaguely wondered if they weren't related.

"All right," Riza relented. "I will teach you the basics and that is it. Nothing more and it's a one-time deal. Do you understand?"

Scieszka's face lightened up and then she bowed, "Thank you so much Lieutenant Colonel!"

"Meet me at the shooting range at seven tonight."

"Yes Ma'am!" she chirped and after a quick salute, ran down the hall.

"Wow, I can't believe you agreed to do that," Havoc said.

"Yes, I know and I already regret it."

--

As with all things that one dreads, the time to teach Scieszka to shoot came far too soon for Riza. She was leaning against the range booth cleaning a gun when she heard the metal door to the range open with a clang. She turned her gaze to the door and saw Scieszka decked head to toe in camouflage with a heavy metal helmet on her head.

Riza looked at the young girl and frowned, while the others that happened to come to watch started laughing.

Scieszka turned to them and pouted. "What are all of you doing here?" she questioned.

After everyone recovered from their laughter, Breda spoke.

"Do you think we are going to miss the Lieutenant Colonel giving you shooting lessons? We need a bit of amusement after a long day of work."

"It was downright hilarious when she was trying to teach the chief how to shoot better," Havoc stated.

"There's no way we were going to miss this," Falman added with a nod of his head.

"Well if you are going to stick around at least you could be more encouraging," she protested.

"Scieszka," Riza said with a bored tone.

"Yes Ma'am?"

"Get over here if you want to learn."

"Right!" she said and walked over to the higher officer.

Riza frowned and grabbed the helmet, taking it off her head. "You don't need this," she said.

"Here! Give it to me, I might need it," Breda joked. Riza tossed the helmet to him and he put it on his head.

Riza proceeded to explain about the gun that she was going to teach Scieszka to fire then started speaking about the rules to use with firearms. "There are a few rules that you should always follow when handling any firearm," Riza began. "Rule one is, always handle a gun as if it is always loaded even when you are sure that it's not."

"But what if you just emptied it," she asked.

"Always assume it is loaded."

"But aren't assumptions just as dangerous as—"

"Do you want to learn or not. Just be quiet and listen!" Riza she said, cutting off Scieszka's sentence. "Rule two, never point a gun toward anyone, loaded or not."

"But you don't follow that rule. You are always pointing a gun at us!" Havoc said. Riza turned and glared at him effectively shutting him up. Seeing the glare that Riza currently possessed, Scieszka decided it would be wise to just stay quiet and listen.

Roy walked into the range and leaned against a wall that was far enough to be safe but close enough to hear what was going on. It was rare that he got to see his wife interacting outside of work with the team, so when the chance came up for him to watch her, he wasn't going to miss it.

"Rule three, always look beyond the target range to make sure there are no people or things that can be killed or damaged."

"What if you are aiming for a person that is shooting back?"

"You won't have that type of situation," Riza replied.

"What if I do?"

"Then you are going to die," Riza stated flatly.

Riza's comment caused Roy to burst out laughing. The blunt way she spoke and the plain, void of emotion look on her face was comedy at its finest.

"Rule four; always leave the safety on the gun until you are prepared to shoot."

"Safety?" She questioned.

"I thought you read about guns."

"I did but the books didn't mention anything about a safety."

Havoc decided to throw his two cents in."The safety is that click we hear when the Lieutenant Colonel takes a hold of her gun. It tells us to run for safety," he joked.

Scieszka turned to Havoc, "Oh, so a safety is a warning for other people to run away?"

"Scieszka! Do you want to learn or not?" Riza snapped. "Pay attention!"

"Yes, Ma'am," she replied.

"And Havoc, I suggest you keep quiet unless you want to be the one holding the target," Riza said.

"Yes Ma'am," he said.

Riza proceeded to show her how to hold the gun and how to shoot. Riza let go and then Scieszka shot at the target, missing completely. The slight kickback caused her to move the gun upward and she kept hitting the trigger. Riza and the others leaped behind items as she kept shooting.

Roy's eyes widened and he took this time to leave the range quickly. His wife would be able to handle things and he didn't want to be there when her temper hit its boiling point.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh! What is wrong with this stupid thing?" Scieszka yelled.

"Stop pressing the goddamned trigger!" Riza yelled.

Scieszka finally stopped pressing the trigger and the firing stopped. She was shaking rapidly as everyone came out from their hiding places. However, before Riza got to Scieszka, Scieszka held the gun out and accidentally hit the trigger again. The bullet grazed the cloth right between Breda's legs, about a half an inch from his manhood. His eyes crossed and he covered it with his hands. He ran into the nearby bathroom.

Havoc walked over to the door, unable to keep from laughing. "Too bad that helmet wasn't for your balls too."

When Breda didn't respond, Havoc looked at the door worriedly. He started to ask his friend if he was all right but was cut off when Breda yelled, "It's here! And my puppies are alright too!"

Riza lifted her hands to her head and rubbed her temples. She took several deep breaths, trying to keep her temper from taking over. Finally, she lowered her hands and stalked over to Scieszka, a look of murder still lingering in her hazel gaze. She grabbed the gun from the younger woman, clicked on the safety and handed it to Havoc.

"If I ever see you within five hundred feet of this range or ANY weapon I will go over to your house and destroy every single book that you own. Do you understand?" Riza growled.

Scieszka stepped away slightly and nodded. It was fine with her. She never wanted to touch another gun or read another book about them for the rest of her life.

"Good, now get out," Riza snapped.

Scieszka nodded rapidly and ran away.

"Boys," Riza said.

The men stood at attention.

"If anyone else like her ever asks me to teach them to shoot. Do me a favor."

"What is that?" Havoc asked.

"Take my guns," she said, walking out and leaving everyone with expressions of shock.

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**AN: Reviews are lovely! ^_^**


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